The culture of behaving badly

Posted on January 19, 2012 | Leave a comment

Have you ever heard about people behaving badly and, when outsiders hear about it, they wonder, “How in the world could that have happened? Why didn’t somebody stop them?  Why didn’t somebody do something?”  In spite of having conducted more than 300 workplace investigations and having been in the workplace as an employee for many years before that, I have to admit that I’m still sometimes taken aback by such behavior.  That’s why I’ve thought a lot about this issue.

 Nationally syndicated columnist Leonard Pitts had some of the same thoughts when he saw the footage of the four Marines urinating on Taliban bodies. And, he has an explanation: he says war is insanity, and so people behave in war (and think it’s normal) in ways they’d never behave otherwise.  I think he’s right – but I think there’s more to it than that.

 We know that every workplace has its own culture.  People who work in that culture for a long time – or a short very intense time –sometimes behave in ways there that they would never behave elsewhere.  They sometimes seem to forget the norms of the ‘outside world’ and adapt to and adopt the norms of their workplaces.  I expect this is really a survival mechanism, and I’ve seen it time after time:

  • The office where everyone shares very private aspects of their lives and the newcomer, who might ordinarily keep those to herself, joins in in order to become accepted – telling things she doesn’t even tell her best friends.
  • The crew where new hires are regularly bullied and mistreated by those who have been around a while until they become senior and bully the newcomers – even though they’re nice people who wouldn’t hurt a fly in other environments.
  • The work group where vendors regularly bring a fifth of Scotch to share with the group on a Friday afternoon before they all get in their cars to drive home – even though the same people always have a designated driver when they go out.
  • The Wall Street employee who wouldn’t dream of cheating at cards with friends but practices insider trading because that’s just how everyone does things at his firm.

 It’s very easy to lose sight of the forest when you find yourself sitting under a tree – and to forget that what looks normal from under that tree may be totally warped from a quarter mile away.  It’s important to maintain touchpoints outside the workplace with which you compare what’s going on inside, and to look critically at those behaviors that seem normal in that setting but would be unacceptable elsewhere. 

 Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the workplace norms were very different from your own values or acceptable behaviors outside?  How did you handle it?  Let us know!  ~Daphne Schneider

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Organizations, Teamwork, Workplace Culture

Finding the Right Bait

Posted on January 11, 2012 | Leave a comment

In her post last week, Daphne wrote about using the right bait — self interest — to motivate recalcitrant employees who just won’t seem to shape up.  Much as managers and supervisors wish they could say, “Because I said so!” that’s not the reality of the modern workplace (if it ever was). 

The trick is determining the appropriate bait. This is where coaching questions can be very helpful.  First, however, the manager wants to set the stage: after all, the task at hand is actually not optional.  So the manager wants to start with something like: “We’ve talked about your [extended breaks ... chatting too much with co-workers ... spending too much time on personal cell phone calls ... not proofreading your work ... ] several times and I am not seeing any changes.  I don’t want to have to escalate this.”

Having set the stage, the manager can now ask questions that hopefully will surface the bait and a plan:

  • What is going on?
  • So what is getting in the way of your doing [x]?
  • What are you saying when you don’t do [x]?
  • What would help you do [x]?
  • What would energize you in your job generally?

Other “what” questions can also work. The trick is to get the employee, not you, talking. And to come up with an enforceable action plan from there.  And to enforce it.

Any other ideas on how to find the right bait? ~Amy Stephson

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Using the Right Bait

Posted on January 4, 2012 | Leave a comment

How do you get someone else to change their behavior?  That’s an ongoing challenge for many of us, whether we’re first line supervisors or colleagues, top level managers or parents.  You simply can’t make someone else change unless they have some incentive to change. 

Unfortunately what many of us do is identify our motivation for the other person to change, and assume that’s their motivation.  For example:

  • I ask you not to yell at me because it hurts my feelings (and I assume you care about that).
  • I tell you to clean your workspace because I hate starting my shift in your messy space (and I assume you’ll do it just because???)
  • You’re told to fill out the medical history form because that’s the physical therapist’s policy before they’ll treat you, but you’re there for a sore leg (and not interested in providing information about other parts of your body).
  • You tell your subordinate to stop taking extended breaks (and assume, because you’re the supervisor, he will comply). 

All of these sound like reasonable requests and might work if the other person is amenable to doing something a different way.  However, if the other person is resistant, they are unlikely to work because the incentive is not there. 

So, what do you do when you’re faced with someone who won’t do what you want them to?  We are often tempted to threaten…do it this way or else.  However, most threats are ineffective – and are ignored.  For example,

  • If I already don’t like you I may not care if you threaten never to talk to me again if I yell. 
  • If I know our supervisor doesn’t care whether or not my workspace is messy, your threat to tell her on me (kind of like third grade) will have no effect. 
  • The likelihood they’ll refuse to treat your sore leg if you don’t  fill out their form is…zero.
  • And even if a threat might work, it will only work if you’re watching.  Without my buy-in, the threat to fire me if I’m late returning from break will only be effective in getting me back on time if I know you’re watching every single time I go on break.

The only really effective way to get someone else to change their behavior when they are resistant is to find a reason they will want to change.  I recently saw a brilliant version of this truism at a wonderful restaurant in Colorado.  On a card tent on each table was the following small note:

MOBILE PHONE USERS…

Your call is important.

For your privacy,

Please use the lobby area.

That’s absolutely brilliant.  We’ve all been annoyed when the person at the next table talks loudly on their cell phone.  And we’ve all seen the signs that say “No cell phone use here” or even, “Please turn off your phone while in this area.”  And we’ve all seen people ignore these signs because they’re about the establishment and the other customers, not about their need to use the phone.  However, this restaurant notice was clearly designed to address the needs and interests of the person using the phone – and there was not a single person in the restaurant on the phone.  It works.  One of my favorite sayings is, “When you go fishing, what kind of bait do you use?  What you like or what the fish likes?”  Clearly, that applies to our interactions with people as well as fish.  Find what will work as an incentive for the other person, and they will change. 

Have you given someone a reason they care about to do something they might not otherwise do?  We’d love to hear it!  ~Daphne Schneider

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Posted in Coaching, Communication, Management Style, Supervising Employees, Teamwork, Working successully, Workplace Conflict

“She’s Mean to Me!” The Shattering Conclusion

Posted on December 20, 2011 | Leave a comment

My two previous posts discussed how to help employees who complain about interpersonal problems with their co-workers, addressing both some general principles and the GROW approach to coaching.  This week, I conclude with a discussion of some of the challenges you are likely to face when coaching employees in this type of situation.

Challenge One:  The employee will want you to solve the problem for them.  The essence of coaching, however, is that the client (or “coachee”) has to own and at least attempt to resolve the problem himself or herself.  Feel free to tell the employee this — most will understand the principle, however reluctantly.  In addition, as noted in Part 2 of this series, when you work with the employee to set goals, be sure that they are something that the employee him or herself can accomplish.

Challenge Two: You will ask the employee a coaching question and get a blank stare in return. There’s an art to asking a good question — check out an earlier post of mine for some tips.  Even the best questions, however, often result in a blank stare, or “I don’t know.”  You’ll be tempted to leap in with  your own hard-earned wisdom. Don’t. Instead, first try to let silence do the work for you.  If the pause gets too long, you can then try to get the employee’s analytical juices going using prompts such as, “What’s the first thing that comes to your mind?” or  ”How did you feel when I asked you that question?” 

Challenge Three.  The employee will remain emotional and want to be vindicated.  It’s important to acknowledge an employee’s feelings. At some point, however, you’ll want to tell the employee that he or she needs to approach the problem from a strategic and problem-solving standpoint, not an emotional one.  You can tell the employee that if there is wrongdoing on the part of co-workers, you will address it, but you want to emphasize that often interpersonal problems are a result of differing perceptions and miscommunication, not intentional wrongdoing. 

Challenge Four: The employee continues to use the H-word. By this we mean, of course, the word “harassment.” As in, “He keeps harassing me no matter what I do.”  Here you can try a couple of things.  You can explain that the term “harassment” has a specific legal meaning not applicable to the situation (assuming it’s not) and is not helpful in solving the problem because it is an “emotion” word.  You can also tell the employee that the word “harassment” is vague and he or she needs to describe what’s going on with much more specificity if the problem is going to be effectively addressed.

Challenge Five: The employee tries to avoid agreeing to specific action steps. Here you’ll just have to get pushy and help the employee come up with specific steps that will advance his or her goals and that are within his or her control.  You’ll also want to use the motivational technique that’s part of the GROW method (On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is it you will do this … ?)   

These are just a few of the challenges that come to mind — coaching is not easy. But as I noted in my first post, it’s well worth the investment of time and effort.  Have you had challenging coaching experiences? Do share them!

Happy Holidays to All. We’ll be back after the New Year.  ~Amy Stephson

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Posted in Coaching, Supervising Employees, Workplace Conflict

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The Sexualized Workplace

Posted on December 14, 2011 | Leave a comment

Each time I think that everyone FINALLY understands what is and is not appropriate behavior in the workplace, something happens to remind me that’s just not so.

Not long ago I investigated a situation that resulted not from a complaint (as is most commonly the case) but from a concern management had about a particular work group.  As I talked with employees in that group, I discovered that nearly everyone (that is, men and women, older and younger) participated in

 • Sexual banter, off-color jokes and comments about one another’s body parts

• Light punching, grabbing and slapping butts, bumping into one another

• Sharing of stories about porn watched on-line and visits to topless bars.

I bet you’re thinking: wow – this sounds like a construction site in the 60’s! Well – it wasn’t a construction site, and my work here was recent. What’s going on? It turns out that the folks working here are all nice people. They were very willing to talk with me. By and large they just didn’t see the problem – except that a couple of them shared that they were uncomfortable when these interactions went “over the line”- wherever they thought that was. The rest of the time they thought the banter and joking simply served to make the workplace a more fun place to be.

Where was management in this? They had conducted anti-harassment training – which no one took seriously since everyone played (or appeared to play) along with the above exchanges. Management was shocked when I told them what I found. We discussed what to do, and I suggested the following:

• Establish clear workplace expectations: even if everyone there thinks it’s ok, a sexualized workplace is not acceptable.

• Be very specific about what is and is not acceptable. Give clear examples – even if they’re embarrassing to repeat. Don’t want employees to brag about the size of their breats or genitals? Tell them that’s not acceptable. Don’t want them to talk about the exotic dancers they went to see last night? Tell them that. You get the idea.

• Include an expectation that management be informed when anyone violates these expectations. Watching silently is not an option.

• Be clear about the consequences for violating the expectations.

Why such a big deal? Isn’t everyone just having a little fun at work?  It’s a big deal because not only does this kind of activity interfere with work performance, but it’s entirely possible that someday a new employee will be hired who won’t put up with it – and when they file a harassment lawsuit and cost the employer tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars – not to speak of poor publicity – it’s a high price to pay.

Have you successfully dealt with the problem of a sexualized workplace? What did you do that worked? We’d love to know! ~Daphne Schneider

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Posted in Harassment and Discrimination, Workplace Culture

“She’s Mean to Me!” Part 2

Posted on December 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

Last week, I discussed some general principles to consider when faced with employees who complain that co-workers are mean to them, criticize them, or exclude them.  This week, I want to set out a coaching approach to try if you’ve decided that coaching the complainant could be useful. 

It’s called the GROW model, which stands for: Goal – Reality – Options – Will.  Its origin is somewhat unclear and it’s been around for years.  Following is a very brief outline of how it works.

Goal.  The first thing you want to do with the employee is set a goal or goals for the coaching. When asked, the employee likely will say something such as, “I want my co-workers to be more friendly to me.”  This is not a useful goal — it’s overbroad and doesn’t focus on what the employee himself or herself can accomplish.  A better goal might be, e.g., “I want to improve my interactions with my co-workers through changing my own behaviors toward them.” (Note: it might take a lot of coaching just to get to a goal like this!)

Reality.  This is where you explore the facts with the employee. The goal is to help the employee really understand what is going on — and what is not going on. You’ll need to get some of the “story” but you don’t want to get bogged down in a lengthy account of every detail or you’ll be there all day. If you’re getting too much story, feel free to gently interrupt and ask, “So what is the bottom line?”

Options. This is where you work with the employee to come up with some possible action steps.  One technique to get the ball rolling is to say, “Let’s brainstorm. You start.”  As options come up, you work with the employee to get them to be specific and doable.

Will.  This is where you turn the best options into concrete action steps that the employee is motivated to take. You ask the employee which option(s) they prefer and when they’re going to start. One technique to help with motivation is to ask, “On a scale of 1-10, how likely is it that you will do this and do it within the time frame you’ve set?”  If the number is low, you say, “How could we turn that 5 into an 8? Are there any obstacles we should address to make sure this gets done?”

Voila — you’ve done GROW! Of course it never goes this smoothly, but it’s a helpful framework. After the meeting, either you or the employee should memorialize the action steps and set another meeting.  In a future post I’ll discuss some of the challenges that come with this coaching approach.

Have you tried coaching this type of complaint? How did it go?  ~Amy Stephson

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“She’s Mean to Me!”

Posted on November 30, 2011 | Leave a comment

I recently taught a class to supervisors on improving employee behaviors and performance through coaching. Part of the class consisted of practice coaching sessions. I was a little surprised at the topic the class suggested for these sessions: coaching  employees who complain that others are mean to them, criticize them, or exclude them from the team.

I shouldn’t have been. Everyone who does HR related work recognizes that American workplaces are not that different from American high schools (junior highs?) in the way many employees interact with each other. There are cliques, popular and unpopular kids, teacher’s pets (or perceived favorites), and so on. These kinds of problems hurt productivity and drive management crazy. They also can lead to bullying and harassment complaints.

So what’s a supervisor or manager to do? First, you want to determine if it’s potentially a harassment complaint, i.e., the co-workers’ behaviors are allegedly motivated the complainant’s race, gender, religion, etc. Do not hesitate to just ask, “Why do you think X is doing that to you? Do you think it’s because of your [protected class status]? What makes you think that?” If it seems like it may be a harassment complaint, follow your policy and procedures.

Second, if you think there is actual bullying going on, you may need to step in and also investigate.  Coaching the target may or may not be an appropriate response. 

If you’re pretty sure it’s not a harassment complaint or real bullying, you can then move into coaching mode. Working with an employee on this type of issue can be very challenging, but it helps to keep a few basic supervisory goals and methods in mind:

  • First, to the extent possible, you want to help the employee solve the problem himself. You can provide coaching in the background, but it’s better to not intervene unless you decide after further discussion and thought that you need to either talk to the other person, facilitate a conversation between the two (or three, four, or more) parties, or both.
  • Second, you want to help the employee see how she may be contributing to the problem. It almost always takes two, and it’s not “blaming the victim” to explore the conversational “dance” that goes on between the complainant and the others and see where she may be affecting the outcome.
  • Third, you want to help the employee see beyond his interpretation of the other person’s behaviors and explore other possibilities. Did the other person really glare at the employee or was she having a attack of heartburn? “It may not be about you at all” is a helpful concept to explore.
  • Finally, you want to work with the employee to come up with an action plan, even if it’s just baby steps,  to build on what you discussed in the first meeting. You also want to schedule another meeting: at least three meetings total is a good goal.

In future columns, I’ll discuss a more specific coaching framework for this type of complaint as well as some of the challenges.  Coaching may seem too time consuming, but when it works, it’s an investment that is well worth the effort.  ~Amy Stephson

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Posted in Coaching, Supervising Employees, Workplace Conflict

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Finallly, Check Those References!

Posted on November 15, 2011 | 2 Comments

I recently wrote about two of the steps for hiring a new employee: defining the knowledge, skills, abilities and characteristics that make the outstanding employee in that position, and asking questions in the interview to get at those requirements. One of the final steps before making a hiring decision should always be a reference check. I can’t tell you how often my clients have failed to check references (because Harry or Sally had such a great resume and did so well in the interview) and only later found out that not everything they were being told was true. So – always, ALWAYS check several references.

In this day and age some employers are reluctant to give references for fear of being sued. I have gotten around that problem by asking the applicant to give each reference a letter (which I provide and the applicant signs) telling them I might be calling and asking them to be honest and candid with me in our conversation. This certainly doesn’t guarantee the applicant won’t later sue (thought almost none ever do), but does reassure the reference. I ask the applicant to give such a letter to at least three professional references. I speak with all three of them, and also with others not provided by the applicant. I get these by asking the references for other supervisors or colleagues or customers with whom the applicant worked – and have generally been successful in getting names and contact information. I then tell those people that the reference suggested I speak with the, and have found that to work as well.

The very best way to check references is through a conversation rather than a written form. That way you can follow up with additional questions if you need more information. Develop your questions ahead of time, and base them on the same knowledge, skills, abilities and characteristics you identified earlier.

It’s fine to ask an initial general question such as, “In what capacity did you work with Harry and for how long?” But after that, get to those job-specific questions. For example, if skill in dealing with irritated customers is one of the key job requirements, you might ask, “Can you give me some examples of times when Harry dealt with irritated customers?” What you’re looking for in the answer are examples that are comparable to or more complex then what Harry will be expected to do in the job for which he has applied with you. And, of course, you hope to hear that Harry handled the situations the way you’d want him to!

In another example, if skill in working as a member of a team is a requirement, you could ask, “Tell me about a team of which Harry was a member.” Ask about the team’s reason for being, and specific examples of times that Harry worked especially well or especially poorly with that team. Again, you’re looking for a level of difficulty and complexity that matches or exceeds that of your vacancy, and how Harry dealt with it.

A couple of the most common questions that are asked in reference checks are, “What are Harry’s strengths and weaknesses?” and “Would you hire Harry again?”  Unfortunately, these don’t give you very good information about whether Harry would work out in your job. Answers to these questions are based purely on the opinion and judgment of the reference – and if you don’t know a lot (or anything) about that individual you have no idea how accurate those are. So, spend your time asking useful questions rather than these to get the very best information.

Always speak to more than one reference, and evaluate the responses from the references against criteria for the specific job you’re filling. Each time you do that you increase your chances of hiring the best match for the job.

Have you had experience checking references- or a bad experience when you didn’t ? We’d love to hear about it!

We won’t be sending a Workplace Insiders blog next week, so have a great Thanksgiving and we’ll be in touch in two weeks. ~Daphne Schneider

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Posted in Supervising Employees

Why We Love to Dis the Boss?

Posted on November 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

I recently read an interesting article in the November issue of Coaching World entitled, “Leadership Dilemma: The American Leadership Paradox.”  For me it was a reminder that effective “followership,” which I discussed in two previous posts, is a difficult concept in the American workplace.

The author, Keith Lawrence Miller, states the issue succinctly: “Society demands a powerful altruistic leader…. However, America is a nation of individualists who strive to be the leader, and are ashamed to be categorized in the role of follower.… American culture frowns upon the follower and the omnipotent leader is exaggeratedly admired.”

He then goes on to discuss some of the ways he believes this plays out in our culture:

  • Americans want community and togetherness, but also want capitalism and individual freedom.
  • Americans value family, but love the rebel.
  • Americans scoff at and criticize leaders – believing they could do better - instead of following them. 
  • Americans tolerate highly imperfect leaders because the imperfections enable individuals to feel superior and better qualified.

Thought-provoking stuff.  Does it apply in the workplace?  Not as much as in the political arena, but it does explain to some degree the disrespect and distrust many employees have for their supervisors and managers – even for those who are good at their jobs.  It also explains, perhaps, why workplace change initiatives are so fraught with difficulty and resistance. 

Keith Miller’s solution?  Leadership coaching that is cognizant of these attitudes.  I think that’s a good starting point.  Another solution may be training that addresses and fosters respect for the role of followers. Also important is to remember that the attitudes of employees from other countries and cultures toward leadership may be different than those of US-born employees.

What other ways do you see American attitudes toward leadership and followership play out in the workplace?  Do you have any other ideas on how to address these attitudes?  ~Amy Stephson

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Posted in Organizations, Supervising Employees

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Getting Interviews Right

Posted on November 2, 2011 | Leave a comment

Last time I wrote about the first steps for hiring a new employee.  Today I’d like to address everybody’s favorite topic: interviewing.  I know that many, many books and websites have been created on the subject, both from the perspective of the person doing the interviewing and from the perspective of the interviewee.  I mention that because these books are often mirror images of one another, which means that the smart job applicant (who may or may not be the best employee) comes knowing what she’ll answer to the most common interview questions.  She’s looked them up.  She’s practiced turning negatives into positives.  She’s got you all figured out. 

So, how do you avoid hiring someone who’s a brilliant interviewee but a crummy employee? 

First, here are four questions NOT TO ASK, EVER.  That’s right – ever.

  1. Why do you want this job/why do you want to work here?
  2. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
  3. Where do you see yourself in five years?
  4. Why should we hire you?

 I know – you’re thinking you’d really like to know how the applicant will answer those questions.  So do I – if I’m having coffee with the applicant just for fun, not trying to determine whether or not she’ll be good in the job.  The problem with these questions is that while the answers may be interesting, you can bet that the well-read applicant will have great answers ready – answers that are highly unlikely to tell you whether or not she’ll be great in the job you’re filling.   So don’t waste your time (at best) or get snowed (at worst). 

Feel free to start the interview with something general, like “Please go over the highlights of your background with us as it applies to this position.”  This is really an icebreaker, and is only there to relax the applicant.  You already know about her – you have her resume and whatever other application materials she submitted. 

The real questions should have been developed ahead of time, together with some notion of what you’d like the answers to be.  These questions should be based on what you determined to be the knowledge, skills, abilities and personal characteristics that are most present in the outstanding employee in this position.  The questions you ask should be aimed toward determining whether your applicant has these, and to what degree.  It is a truism that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.  So, the better you are at determining the extent to which your applicant has already demonstrated the needed knowledge, skills, abilities and personal characteristics of a great employee in this position, the more likely you will be to hire someone who will work out well. 

Here in an example to give you an idea of what I’m talking about: 

Required ability: handling customer complaints

Interview question:  Tell me about the most difficult customer with whom you’ve ever dealt, what made him/her so difficult and how you resolved the complaint.

Ideal response: includes demonstrated self-awareness of skills it took to handle customer, level of difficulty comparable to that faced in this position, resolution meeting the needs of both the customer and the employer. 

Statistically, an interview (the way it’s most commonly conducted) is about the worst way of determining the best person for the job.  You can improve that statistic a lot by structuring questions based on the specific job-related things you’re seeking and knowing exactly what you’re looking for.  It’s not easy – but it will bring out the information you need. 

In two weeks I’ll discuss reference checks (you do check references, right?) 

What’s been your experience with interviews?  Let us know!  ~ Daphne Schneider

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Posted in Supervising Employees