When investigating, mediating, or otherwise attempting to resolve a workplace conflict, it’s helpful – indeed critical – to recognize “emotion” words. What are emotion words? Words that contain more heat than light and that therefore call for further exploration of what’s going on. Another word for them: hyperbole.
Two classic emotion words are “always” and “never.” When an employee says that something “always” (or its cousin, “constantly”) happens, it’s time to ask for specifics, i.e., how many times has the event occurred or comment been made? Despite having conducted thousands of investigative interviews, I remain surprised at how often the answer is “two or three times,” “three or four times,” and the like. Similarly, with “never,” it’s helpful to probe a little further to see if it’s really never, or just “not recently.”
Another example is “yelled” as in, “He yelled at me.” The dictionary meaning of “yell” is to say something very loudly. Yet many people will say they were “yelled at” to describe any negative or critical comment directed toward them. Therefore, when you hear that someone was yelling, it’s always wise to ask the person to demonstrate exactly how loud it was. They themselves will often then recognize that it wasn’t loud, just upsetting, intense, or rude.
One more: duration of time. People will often say that something lasted for “an hour,” or “at least 20 minutes,” or some other fairly long period of time, when they’re describing a negative event (such as being yelled at). In these situations, I often count out seconds (one one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand, etc.) and then ask again. The resulting number is usually very much smaller.
So does this tendency to exaggerate mean that the person is not credible? Not necessarily. It just means that many people express the emotional content of an event through hyperbole and emotional words. And while it’s essential to separate out the emotion from the facts, it’s important to nonetheless recognize the emotion behind the words and take this into account as you figure out what to do with the crazy situation before you.
What are some other emotion words you’ve encountered in the workplace? ~Amy Stephson